People with herpes should wear stickers.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
