Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
