Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
