I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
