I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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