I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
