I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
