I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
