She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
