11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
