hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
