This girl is more easily done than said...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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