Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
