I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
