I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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