you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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