first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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