I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we have pet lesbian snakes
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
