I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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