is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
