Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
