I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
