Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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