...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
