there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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