why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
