You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
