Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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