I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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