I'm lost and stupid without you.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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