either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
