before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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