woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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