I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
