I am midnight drunk by noon
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
