What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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