I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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