Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
