My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
