He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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