dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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