They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
