remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
