I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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