let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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