Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
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