I think my fart just growled at me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
