we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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