Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
