I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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