i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just found a bag of teeth...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
