I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
