Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
