Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
